Walking out of darkness

"When darkness comes Jesus is my savior"

 Have you ever woken up feeling someone or something is sitting on top of your chest? A feeling of tightness or pressure you can't really describe but won't allow you to breathe? Tingling in your fingers, hands and some days whole arms? When moving seems like an impossible task?

 I have many times, in the beginning when I had less awareness of the symptoms of depression and anxiety I will allow this feeling to consume my mornings. It is like wearing an invisible tight suit, that does not allow you to move or breathe.

Staying in bed or simply at home seemed to be the only way to deal with this uncomfortable feeling. After this happening several days in a row the fear of sleeping became a struggle, because I knew that when morning came, also the unwanted sensations. 

After getting more education about clinical depression, I understood that because of the neurochemicals that are secreted at night, people with this condition struggle primarily in the morning and after a few hours all gets balanced and the symptoms subside. That is if I don't allow them to grow until they surround my body and soul with a black tight blanket.

Medication helps relieve some of these symptoms but not all of them and not always. I found a way to help my body balance back, taking the power away from the dark force, making me feel more secure about how to handle my day and eventually my life.

 When I open my eyes and feel the unwanted presence of anxiety or depression I don't argue or give any power to it. I take immediate accion and start moving while praying to the Lord to keep me safe and secure in his loving arms.  I do all the chores that can't wait at home and then go out  and engage in mindfull walking for at least 30 minutes.

Some days I have to push myself out the door, even though all I want to do is sit on a corner and cry. Sunglasses are my best friend, since  I start my walking with tears flowing from my eyes. After a while I start feeling better. 

 Mindful walking is something that requires practice, with time it becomes easier. To be mindful while walking I allow all my senses to connect with the now, feel the temperature on my skin, the smells on my nose (sometimes nice and sometimes not), look around to see who is there or admire the flowers, if people approach them I talk to them even when I want to be invisible. All these complemented with deep breathing helps my body balance back into safety and peace.

 The journey is not easy but it is worth it!! If you are struggling just remember, this is temporary and life is full of blessing, I know it is hard to truly grasp it when darkness comes, but it is true. Praying this will help you regain balance in life.

My walking companions