Re-focus, re-wire, re-born

When we live our lives through worry and anxiety, usually the focus is towards all the things that seem to make our life more complicated, dangerous or difficult. While focusing on all of that it is very hard to fully observe all the little things that can create a change in the way we are perceiving our existence.There are little things around us that can make us smile, feel happy, and in that way change our perspective of things. 

The other morning while walking I was thinking about all the things I had to do that day, plus all the planning necessary for an upcoming trip. I was feeling hot and uncomfortable, complaining in my mind about the weather. All of these and many more thoughts raising in my mind were creating a sense of stress and anxiety in my body. My heart was racing and my breathing was shallow.

Suddenly I turn my head and saw this tiny little flower and that was enough to re-focus my thoughts and realize that there are blessings everywhere. By doing this switch in my mind, I helped re-wire my brain; this is something I have been doing for awhile. It is part of the mindful way of walking that I talked about in a previous post. 

I started to pay closer attention to my surroundings noticing more beautiful flowers, a bird, other dogs and the people passing by; all of these distracted my mind from my worries and engaged all my senses in the present moment, giving me a sense of calmness and peace.

Switching the way I was perceiving my environment created a complete change in the way I was thinking and feeling. The anxious feeling disappeared and I was able to put things back in perspective and realize that by worrying about all the things I had to do I was only wasting the opportunity of enjoying the moment, be mindful and re-center myself. 

Our thoughts can create situations that our bodies do not have capacity to differentiate between real and not real. When our minds are running from one thing to another, our bodies believe we are in real danger and secrete all the necessary hormones and neuro transmitters to help us react quickly to go back into safety. 

The problem arises when there is not a real threat; we are not in real danger, or need to run and escape to save our lives. These hormones that have already been thrown into our system make us feel like uneasy, increase our heart rate and breathing opening the door wide open for anxiety and panic to invade our body. 

Being able to control our minds and catch this unhealthy patterns of thinking before our body reacts to them is a powerful way of managing anxiety; requires practice and patience, but when incorporated in our daily living it can improve our general health. Avoiding the release of these fight or fly response chemical in our body whenever they are not needed will lower stress, improve our cardiovascular and emotional health. 

It is all in the way we manage our mental processes and how aware we are about them. Practice re-focusing, to be able to re-wire and with a new mental path re-born.

The original road.

Don't engage with the ANTs

Remove the food that feeds the ANTs

Accepting love and support is difficult to do when anxiety and depression keep telling me I am not worth it, I am a failure, I am a burden to others, I should be able to just get over it,  people would be better without me, etc.

Automatic Negative talks (ANTs) is one of the most destructive and difficult things to cope with during depressive episodes or anxiety attacks. They come hand in hand with the sadness, lack of motivation, crying spells, lack of energy, fear and worry.

At the beginning I struggled a lot with this self-sabotaging, self-hurting thinking patterns; but with time and practice I have been able to manage them and regain control of my mind, obtaining self-acceptance and self-love in the process.

It is important to identify when they are starting to happen and stop them right then, because if they get louder they become like a rolling snow ball; the bigger it gets, the more destruction it causes. One of the most important thing I used to do when I first started working on controlling them was not to engage in conversation with them or try to understand why they happen.

For me prayer works wonders to freeze the ANTs in place until they disappear. Whenever I see them present in my thoughts I pray in a constant way until they become quiet, this can take a few minutes or more. When they are too strong and argumentative I combine swimming laps or indoor cycling and praying. I know it might sound strange but it is pretty effective.

Other techniques include: write them down, for every one you have write at least 2 positive things about yourself, get distracted with a book or a movie, go to the gym or an outside walk, take a shower, talk to people, work on some doodling; anything that distracts your mind and bring you down to the present moment.

Another alternative to make ANTs disappear is to use guided meditations. Fully engage with the breathing and the visual guidance, they are more powerful that what you think.

The most important thing is to stop believing what the ANTs tell you, they are only a symptom of the disease, not a reality on your life.

Even though you might feel like hiding and staying alone, allow others you love to be close to you; they are also scared, confused and want to help.

                                 You are valuable, loved, smart, needed and wanted.

Walking out of darkness

"When darkness comes Jesus is my savior"

 Have you ever woken up feeling someone or something is sitting on top of your chest? A feeling of tightness or pressure you can't really describe but won't allow you to breathe? Tingling in your fingers, hands and some days whole arms? When moving seems like an impossible task?

 I have many times, in the beginning when I had less awareness of the symptoms of depression and anxiety I will allow this feeling to consume my mornings. It is like wearing an invisible tight suit, that does not allow you to move or breathe.

Staying in bed or simply at home seemed to be the only way to deal with this uncomfortable feeling. After this happening several days in a row the fear of sleeping became a struggle, because I knew that when morning came, also the unwanted sensations. 

After getting more education about clinical depression, I understood that because of the neurochemicals that are secreted at night, people with this condition struggle primarily in the morning and after a few hours all gets balanced and the symptoms subside. That is if I don't allow them to grow until they surround my body and soul with a black tight blanket.

Medication helps relieve some of these symptoms but not all of them and not always. I found a way to help my body balance back, taking the power away from the dark force, making me feel more secure about how to handle my day and eventually my life.

 When I open my eyes and feel the unwanted presence of anxiety or depression I don't argue or give any power to it. I take immediate accion and start moving while praying to the Lord to keep me safe and secure in his loving arms.  I do all the chores that can't wait at home and then go out  and engage in mindfull walking for at least 30 minutes.

Some days I have to push myself out the door, even though all I want to do is sit on a corner and cry. Sunglasses are my best friend, since  I start my walking with tears flowing from my eyes. After a while I start feeling better. 

 Mindful walking is something that requires practice, with time it becomes easier. To be mindful while walking I allow all my senses to connect with the now, feel the temperature on my skin, the smells on my nose (sometimes nice and sometimes not), look around to see who is there or admire the flowers, if people approach them I talk to them even when I want to be invisible. All these complemented with deep breathing helps my body balance back into safety and peace.

 The journey is not easy but it is worth it!! If you are struggling just remember, this is temporary and life is full of blessing, I know it is hard to truly grasp it when darkness comes, but it is true. Praying this will help you regain balance in life.

My walking companions